Dazai Osamu -Oblique Sun 6-1

　Let the battle begin.
　I could not stay in sorrow forever. There was something I had to fight for. A new ethic. No, it would be hypocritical to say so. Love. That was it. Just as Rosa would not have survived without her new economics, I must now live without my one love. When Jesus was about to send his twelve disciples out into the world to expose the hypocrisy of the religious, moralists, scholars, and authorities of the world, and to tell people the truth about the true love of God without the slightest hesitation, the words he taught them were the same words that I have been hearing all along. The words that he taught his disciples when he was about to send his twelve disciples to various parts of the world also seemed to have nothing to do with my case.
Do not carry gold, silver or coins in your belt. Do not carry a bag for your journey, two pieces of underwear, shoes, or a staff. Look at me, sending you is like sending a sheep into a wolf. Therefore, be as wise as a snake and as straightforward as a pigeon. Be mindful of those who would have you in the assembly hall and whip you in the halls. And ye shall be dragged before kings and rulers for my cause. If they take you, do not be troubled as to what you should say. The one who says this is not you, but the spirit of your father, who is within you, and will say it. And why should all men hate you for my name's sake? However, those who endure until the end shall be saved. If you are reproached in this town, flee to another town. I tell you, before you have exhausted the towns and cities of Israel, the children of men must come.
　Fear not those who kill the body but not the soul; fear those who can destroy the body and soul in Gehenna. Do not think that I have come to cast peace upon the earth, but I have come not to cast peace, but a sword. I have come to separate a man from his father, a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. A man's vengeance is his own house. He who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. He who loves his son or daughter more than himself is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take up his cross and follow Me, he is not worthy of Me. Those who gain life should lose it, and those who lose life for my sake should gain it.
　Let the battle begin.
　I wonder if Jesus would scold me if I were to swear to follow his teachings to the letter because of my love for him. I don't know why "love" is bad and "love" is good. I feel like they are the same thing. I want to say that I am the one who can destroy my body and soul in Gehenna for the sake of love, for the sake of love, for the sake of sorrow.
　With the help of my uncles, my mother's private funeral was held in Izu, and the main funeral was held in Tokyo. After that, Naoji and I lived an awkward life in a mountain cottage in Izu, not speaking to each other even when we saw each other, for no apparent reason. One day, he brought a young man with him who looked like a dancer, and Naoharu, as expected, felt a little bad.
One day, he brought a young man who looked like a dancer.　I'd like to visit my friend for the first time in a while. I'll stay with you for two or three nights, so please stay at home. You can ask her to do the cooking.
　I quickly took advantage of Naoharu's weakness, and with the wisdom of a snake, I was able to pack my bag with cosmetics, bread, etc., and go to Tokyo to meet her quite naturally.
　I had heard from Naoji that if you got off at the north exit of Ogikubo Station on the Ministry Line in the suburbs of Tokyo, you could reach her new post-war residence in about 20 minutes.
　It was a day when the cold wind was blowing strongly. By the time I got off at Ogikubo Station, it was already dark, and I wandered around the dark suburban alleyways for about an hour, catching up with people on the street, telling them the address of the person I was talking to and asking them to point me in that direction. The nameplate on the front door of one of the two tenement houses on my right suddenly flashed white in the night and I thought it said "Uehara" on it, so I ran to the front door of the house with one foot still in my tabi and looked at the nameplate more closely. But it was dark inside the house.
　He stood there for a moment, wondering what he should do, and then, as if he wanted to throw himself down, he leaned against the lattice door of the front door and said, "I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry.
　He stroked the lattice with the fingertips of both hands and said, "Uehara-san.
"Uehara-san.
　I whispered to him, "Uehara-san.
　There was a reply. But it was a woman's voice.
　The front door opened from the inside, and a woman with a fine, old-fashioned smell, who looked three or four years older than me, glanced at me in the darkness of the doorway, smiled, and said, "Who are you?
"Who are you?
　There was no malice or caution in the tone of her words.
No, sir.
　But I failed to tell him my name. To this person, my love seemed strangely insecure. I was frightened, almost sneering.
"Where is the doctor?　Are you here?
"No.
　"Yes," he replied, looking at me with a pitying expression.
"But they usually go to …….
Far away?
No.
　But I usually go to ." "Far away?" "No," he said, putting one hand to his mouth in a funny way.
Ogikubo. If you go to the oden shop called Shiraishi in front of the station, you can usually find your way there.
　I thought I was going to fly away.
"Oh, I see.
"Oh, I see." "Oh, you have something for me.
　She gave me a light hosode, a leather strap that can be easily mended when the hosode is broken, and fixed my geta, while she lit a candle and brought it to the door. In the meantime, she lit a candle and brought it to the door.
Unfortunately, both of our light bulbs are out, and light bulbs these days are very expensive and easy to break.
　We will be penniless and fast asleep for the next three nights," he said with a carefree smile. Behind her stood a slender female child of twelve or three years of age, with large eyes, who rarely seemed to be attracted to people.
　An enemy. I don't think so, but this wife and child must think of me as an enemy and hate me at some point. When I thought about it, I felt as if my love had temporarily waned. I replaced the strap of my geta, stood up and clapped my hands together to brush off the dirt from my hands. But then, suddenly, I thought of my own sullen, indescribable, and tasteless appearance, and I became disgusted.
Thank you very much.
　 She's a nice lady, and she's beautiful, too, but I don't feel the least bit sorry for myself, even though I'm standing on the judgment seat of God, because I was born for love and revolution, and God can't punish me for that. I'm sure I'll stay in the wild for two or three nights until I see him again.