Dazai Osamu -Oblique Sun 5-3

　We sat in silence for a while, looking down at the winter river.
"Be safe. If this is goodbye forever, be safe forever. Byron.
　And then he recited the Byron poem in the original and hugged me lightly.
　I was embarrassed.
"I'm sorry.
　I was so embarrassed that I whispered, "I'm sorry," and walked toward Ochanomizu Station, turning around to see my friend standing on the bridge, motionless and staring at me.
　I never saw my friend again. I went to the same foreign teacher's house, but went to a different school.
　Twelve years have passed since then, but I still haven't moved on from my class diary. What in the world was I doing during that time? I had never longed for a revolution, and I had never even known love. Until now, the adults of the world had taught us that revolution and love were the two most foolish and disgusting things, and we had believed that before and during the war, but after the defeat, we had lost faith in the adults of the world, and felt that the true way to live was to do everything contrary to what they said. Revolution and love are actually the best and tastiest things in the world, and they are so good that we have come to believe that they must have been lying to us and telling us that they are green grapes. I want to be sure. I am convinced that we were born for love and revolution.
　The sliding door opened and my mother came out, laughing.
She said, "You are still awake. Aren't you sleepy?
　She looked at the clock on the desk.
　When I looked at the clock on my desk, it was twelve o'clock.
I looked at the clock on my desk and saw that it was twelve o'clock, "Yes, I'm not sleepy at all. I've been reading a book on socialism and I'm so excited.
"Yes. Do you have any alcohol?　I've been reading a book about socialism and I'm getting excited.
　He said this in a teasing tone, but there was a certain charm to his demeanor that was on par with that of a big man.

　Eventually, October came, but instead of clear autumn skies, the days continued to be damp and muggy, like the rainy season. Every evening, her fever rose and fell between thirty-eight and nine degrees Celsius.
　Then, one morning, I saw something terrible. Mother's hands were swollen. She used to say that breakfast was the most delicious meal of the day, but now she sat on the floor and ate only a small bowl of porridge, and she refused to eat any side dishes with a strong smell. That day, I offered her a bowl of matsutake mushroom soup, but she didn't even like the smell of matsutake mushrooms, so she took the bowl to her mouth and gently placed it back on the table. I looked at her hands and was surprised to see that her right hand was swollen and round.
"Mother!　Is your hand all right?
　Even her face looked a little pale and swollen.
It's nothing. This much is nothing.
When did it start to swell?
　Her mother looked at me with a glare on her face and remained silent. I felt like crying out loud. These hands are not my mother's hands. They were the hands of another woman. My mother's hands are much smaller and much scarier. Hands that I know well. Gentle hands. Lovely hands. I wondered if those hands had disappeared forever. My left hand was not yet so swollen, but it was still hurtful and I couldn't look at it, so I turned away and stared at the flower basket in the alcove.
　I couldn't stand to look at him, so I turned away and stared at the basket of flowers in the alcove. I felt like crying, so I got up and went to the dining room, where Naoji was eating a half-boiled egg by himself. Whenever he was at home in Izu, he would usually go to Osaki-san's to drink shochu at night, and in the morning he would be grumpy, not eating rice but only eating four or five half-boiled eggs, and then going upstairs to sleep and wake up again.
She would eat four or five half-boiled eggs and then go back upstairs to sleep and wake up again. "Your mother's hands are swollen.
　He spoke to Naoharu and turned his head. I couldn't continue, so I kept my head down and cried on his shoulder.
　Naoji remained silent.
　I looked up at him and said
I looked up and said, "I can't do this anymore. Didn't you notice?　If it swells up like that, it's no use.
　I said, grabbing the edge of the table.
　Naoharu's face became gloomy as well.
It's close, you know. I want to fix it again.
I want to fix it again. I want to fix it again. I want to fix it somehow.
　"I want to fix it again. I want to fix it somehow," he said, squeezing his left hand with his right, and all of a sudden, Naoharu started to cry and whimper.
Suddenly, Naoji began to cry bitterly and said, "Nothing good has ever happened to you. There's nothing good about us.
　He rubbed his eyes with his fists in a messy manner.
　That day, Naoji went to Tokyo to report to his uncle in Wada about his mother's condition and to receive instructions on what to do. I cried when I went to get milk in the morning mist, when I stroked my hair in the mirror, and when I applied lipstick. I couldn't help but cry as much as I could, as the pictures of the happy days I had spent with my mother came to me. In the evening, after it became dark, I went out on the veranda of the room and sobbed for a long time. The stars were shining in the autumn sky, and a stranger's cat was huddled under my feet, motionless.
　The next day, the swelling in my hands was even worse than yesterday. He did not eat any food. The next day, the swelling in her hands was worse than yesterday.
I was going to say with a laugh, "Mother, why don't you put on that mask of Naoji's again?
　I was going to laugh and say, "Mother, why don't you put on that mask again?
I'm sure you're tired of working so hard every day. I'm sure you must be exhausted with all the work you have to do every day.
　But I could see that he was more concerned about Kazuko's health than his own, which made me even more sad.
　A little past noon, Naoji brought the old doctor and two nurses from Miyake-sama.
　The old doctor, who always made jokes, seemed to be angry at that time, and came into the hospital room and began his examination immediately. Then, without saying a word to anyone.
"You're getting weaker.
　He gave me an injection of camphor.
"Where is the doctor staying?
　Where is the doctor staying?
"Nagaoka again. Don't worry, I've made a reservation. This sick person should not worry about others, but be more selfish and eat as much as he wants. You will feel better after you get some nutrition. I will come back tomorrow. I'll leave one of my nurses with you, so you can try it.
　The old doctor said in a loud voice to the sick mother, then looked at Naoji and stood up.
　Naoharu alone walked the doctor and his attendant nurse away, and when he came back, he looked like he was trying to hold back tears.
　We quietly left the hospital room and went to the dining room.
"No?　Isn't that right?
It's boring.
　"It's boring," Naoji said, his mouth quirking up in a smile.
It seems that my weakness has come on ridiculously fast. He said he doesn't know if he's going to make it this time or tomorrow.
　As he was saying this, tears welled up in Naoji's eyes.
I hope you don't mind if I don't send a telegram to Houbo.
　I said, feeling much calmer.
I talked to my uncle about it, but he said that now was not the time to gather such people. Even if they came, it would be rude to do so in such a small house, and there are no good inns nearby. My uncle is supposed to be here soon, but he's always been too stingy to ask for anything. Even last night, he was already lecturing me about my mother's illness. There has never been a single person in all of history, east or west, who has been awakened by a lecture from a stingy person. Even if you are a sister and a brother, there is a huge difference between your mother and that guy.
But I'm afraid you're going to have to rely on your uncle, …….
I don't want to do that. I'd rather be a beggar. You should be begging. You should be begging your uncle for help.
For me, it's …….
　I cried.
I've got somewhere to go.
A marriage proposal?　Do you have a plan?
No.
Self-supporting?　A working woman. No, no, no.
I'm not self-supporting. I'm going to be a revolutionary.
"What?
　Naoharu looked at me with a strange expression on his face.
　At that moment, the attendant nurse that Dr. Miyake had brought with him came to call me.
She said, "Your wife seems to have some business with you.
　I hurried to the hospital room, sat down beside the futon, and said, "What?
What is it?
　She sat down by the futon and asked, "What?
　She sat down by the futon and asked, "What is it?" But her mother was silent, as if she wanted to say something.
"Water?" he asked.
　I asked.
　She shook her head faintly. It seemed that it was not water.
　After a while, she said in a low voice, "I had a dream.
"I had a dream.
　I had a dream.
"Yes?　What kind of dream?
"A dream about snakes.
　I was shocked.